


Steady.

by ladyworld_astronomer



Category: TWRP | Tupper Ware Remix Party (Band)
Genre: (Captain America voice): Language!, (Phobos voice): Deal With It, Havve is a good friend, I said "it's soft Havve hours", Implied Anxiety Attack, Neither are described in extreme detail, This definitely leans a bit into scifi/science fantasy, a headcanon based on a personal experience that got way out of control, hhhhHHHHH, i have agonized over this and i'm still not even sure i got the characterization right, i'm growing up so fast, implied nightmare, mentions of smoking, my first twrp fic with no memes, rock n roll best friends, so lmk how i did pease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyworld_astronomer/pseuds/ladyworld_astronomer
Summary: Hav(ve)ing a drum machine for a heart comes with some interesting side effects.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Steady.

**Author's Note:**

> So one night a few months back, I was listening to TWRP (shocker) and realized that my heartrate matched the BPM of the song I was listening to. It was a magical experience, and it ended up spiralling into a headcanon that evolved into... this! I hope you like it! :D

Havve ran his fingers over Fuckthrust, following the pulses of electricity inside the keytar. He saw them in his mind, configurations of wires criss-crossing in an organized chaos that allowed her to function. There was a problem, Sung told him. Something wasn’t right. It could be any number of things, really: a loose wire, a circuit shortage, a hardware issue (which Havve could do nothing about). He let his mind wander a bit as he searched for the error. 

Havve remembered vividly waking up in a freezing cold cave with a stranger elbows-deep in his chest. Needless to say, he panicked. He kept panicking as Sung explained what he had done, as he realized that there was more than one pounding in his head, as he discovered that he could sense Sung’s terrified pulse when Havve attacked him.

Once he finally settled down, Sung helped him make sense of everything: his confusing new drum-machine-for-a-heart and sudden ability to sense the pulses around him. He taught Havve how to follow them, how to manipulate them. He helped Havve find healthy ways to release his frustration and anger when his entire body throbbed, his mind a maze of pulses that he couldn’t navigate.

Neither of them were exactly sure how Sung’s technomancy ended up doing this to him. It was something he didn’t dwell on, but Sung regularly lost sleep over.

A blip snapped him out of his thoughts.

 **“Press that key again, Sung?”** He did, and Havve saw the hang-up. **“Found it. Easy fix, though getting there might be a hassle.”**

Sung helped Havve take the back panel off of Fuckthrust, holding wires and handing him tools. When the pulse ran smoothly again, they patched her back up. 

“Thanks, Havve. You’re the best,” Sung said.

He shrugged. **“One of us has to be.”**

Sung laughed, doubled over, shoulders shaking. Havve didn’t think it was really that funny, but let Sung have his moment. He laughed so hard his hearts stuttered, skipping a couple beats and trying to catch up before evening out again. When he settled down, Havve asked **“Is it weird when your hearts skip like that?”**

“What do you mean?”

** “It always startles me when your hearts skip a beat. Mine never does that, I think I would freak out if it did. It’s always steady.” **

“I mean… I just feel it a bit more strongly for a couple seconds, but it doesn’t really bother me. Like when I’m startled, I notice it more. If it just does it randomly, it’s not a big deal.”

** “Interesting.” **

“Once when I was younger, my left heart stopped beating. It was terrifying. My leg just gave out on me, I couldn’t feel anything on that side of my body. My parents freaked the fuck out, obviously. But it restarted before we even got to the hospital. They never figured out what happened.” He shrugged. “I tell you what though, the pins and needles I got when my heart restarted were a _bitch._ Oh my gods, that hurt.”

** “Sometimes your left heart lags a bit. Never anything big like that, though.” **

“Really?” Havve nodded. “Huh. Weird.”

 **“I guess that’s the nice thing about my 808,”** he said. **“It’s reliable. Never stops, never hesitates.”**

Sung was quiet for a few moments. “...Do you miss having a heart?”

** “It’s not really something I think about. Awareness of having a heart isn’t prominent in what little I can remember. I don’t think I could handle it now, though.” **

Sung nodded. “Yeah, once you get used to your new normal...”

** “Whatever technomancy shit you did to piece me back together, as much as it can be a pain in the ass sometimes, I wouldn’t trade for anything.” **

“Really?”

** “Yeah.” **

“You mean it?”

He looked at Sung. He was serious, just a hint of concern on his face. Even after all these years, Sung was still worried he had done something wrong when he revived Havve. **“Yeah. Helps me keep you three dummies alive.”**

Sung laughed, his hearts speeding up just a touch.

* * *

Havve didn’t sleep. He could, if he wanted to. He just chose not to. His dreams were hazy at best and downright horrifying at worst, leaving him disoriented when he woke up. Besides, he liked to keep watch at night. He figured at least one of them should be awake at all times, just in case something were to happen. 

Havve was in the kitchen, baking at 3 am, because what else was he supposed to do, really? He sat two inches from the oven door, watching the cake slowly rise—red velvet, of course. When it was done, he carefully took it out and set it on the table to cool. 

He froze when one of the pulses in his head sped up, pounding stronger than before. He followed it past the hundreds of tiny electrical pulses scattered through the kitchen, buzzing quietly in the background of his thoughts. He laid a hand on his phone, feeling nothing unusual there. The clock on the wall was half a second off from the clock in the living room, which made him tense his jaw, but that still wasn’t the issue.

He made his way to the foot of the stairs, and the pounding grew stronger, faster. Hand on the railing, he climbed up. Sung and Meouch were fine, fast asleep without a care in the world, leaving him to follow the discordant pulse to Phobos’s room. He should have known.

It always amazed Havve how stubbornly Phobos would cling to sleep. Sung and Meouch would wake up long before their hearts raced like Phobos’s did. His heart rate was approaching what Havve called ‘The Danger Zone’. He approached the trembling lump on Phobos’s bed, dimming his eyes before crouching down. 

_Wake up, Phobos._ He wove the thought carefully into his friend’s mind, well aware that it probably wouldn’t work the first time. _It’s Havve, you’re dreaming. Wake up, Phobos._

Phobos shot upright, too fast for Havve to process. He ripped off his blankets and threw them across the room, where they landed in a pile on the floor. He was gasping loudly for breath.

Light.

Havve fumbled for the knob on the lamp, twisting and illuminating the room in a soft, warm glow. Phobos shuddered, tears mixing with sweat streaming down his face. Havve handed him a tissue. You’re safe. It was just a dream. You’re okay, he signed. His voice was too rough for moments like this.

What about Sung and Meouch? And you?

Their pulses were strong in Havve’s periphery. Nothing out of the ordinary. They’re fine, too. We’re okay.

Phobos nodded, taking a deep breath to center himself. Thank you.

Wanna talk about it?

Phobos shook his head. Not now. Maybe tomorrow. He scooted over, patting the mattress next to him. Sit with me?

Havve sat beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder, tapping a gentle beat. Phobos slowly calmed down, running out of tears, the adrenaline fading away. He rested his head on Havve’s shoulder, and he carefully wrapped an arm around Phobos’s shoulders. He always felt so awkward trying to be affectionate like this, but he pushed those feelings down. Phobos needed him, so Havve was there.

His 808 beat slow and steady, the pulse moving through his whole body, and Phobos sighed, pressing himself to Havve. His heart eventually matched Havve’s, like it always did on nights like this.

Thank you.

He nodded. No problem, Phobos. Do you need anything?

No. Just gonna take a quick shower and go back to sleep.

Okay. Let me know if you need anything.

He nodded, sighing as he stood up. Havve stood as well, and took a moment to sign I hope you sleep well after this, before slipping back out into the hallway. He sat in his room for the rest of the morning, cake forgotten about. He kept an eye on Phobos’s heart, ready to pull him out of another nightmare.

Phobos slept soundly, knowing that Havve was watching over him.

* * *

It was one of those days where everything was too loud, too bright, too much for Havve. The world was so intense, with so many pulses surrounding him that they blurred together yet managed to be unique enough to drive him crazy. 

Havve perched on the edge of the hotel bed, tapping his foot, head in his hands, trying to stay calm. It was hard, when all he could feel were the pulses of everyone and everything around him. He was in pain before the concert even started, and he couldn’t even go home to decompress. He couldn’t lock himself away from the pulses, he was stuck. Trapped.

His 808 sped up, and he felt rage boiling inside of him. No, he was _fine,_ he told himself. The rage disagreed, rearing its ugly head and making Havve feel antsy. He needed to calm down, or shit was gonna go south real fast. He wished he had a knife. He was glad he didn't.

Breathe, Hogan.

He felt a light tap on his shoulder, and looked up. “C’mon,” Meouch said, angling his head towards the door.

 **“What?”** he sighed.

“Come with me. I wanna show you something.”

** “Now is really not the time, Meouch.” **

“Trust me.” Meouch held a hand out, and Havve grabbed it, squeezing tightly. 

Havve was barely aware as he followed Meouch to the van, automatically climbing into the passenger seat. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, focusing on his breath, flexing and relaxing his hands, grasping at imaginary knives. 

Twenty minutes later, they were in a suburb. Meouch drove slowly, not a care in the world, until he eventually reached a park. **“Where are we?”**

“Somewhere quiet.” He got out of the car, and Havve followed him. Meouch led him to a bench that miraculously was under a broken light. He sat down with a big sigh, observing the pulses around him.

The lights were soft, quiet old things that were actually kind of comforting. He could feel the distant pulses of a few critters darting around in the night, though he never saw any. His own 808 was finally slowing down, demanding less of his attention with every steady beat. And then there was Meouch, sitting on the opposite end of the bench, lazily smoking a cigarette. His heart was quiet, fading nicely into the background.

Havve sighed. His hands relaxed, no longer reaching for imaginary knives. The rage cooled off, no longer threatening to eat him whole and spit him back out. He tilted his head back with a sigh, looking at the dim stars.

** “Thank you.” **

“No problem, man. I know that shit gets overwhelming for you sometimes. Fuck, it gets to me, too.”

 **“It’s just so loud,”** Havve said. **“Makes it hard to think, to do anything.”** Meouch nodded in the corner of his vision. **“How did you know about this place?”**

“Googled it before we came here. Figured you’d appreciate the quiet.” 

** “Thank you. I was… starting to get worked up. Something bad could’ve happened tonight.” **

“But it didn’t. Don’t worry about that, man. Just sit here and relax until that head of yours stops pounding.”

They sat for a few hours, talking on and off, until Havve felt ready to face the world again. The pulses weren’t so bad when they got back to the hotel. Phobos was asleep, and Sung was just about to drift off when they got back. He mumbled a goodnight and rolled over, out like a light within a minute.

It didn’t take Meouch long to get settled in for the night, sprawling out on one of the beds with a deep sigh. “Night, Hogan.”

Havve took a moment to find the little pulses in his mind, and gently placed the message in his head: _Goodnight, Meouch. And thank you._

* * *

Havve looked out into the sea of screaming, cheering fans between songs. They were hard to see sometimes, but he tried to scan all corners of the room, trying to see almost everyone there. The applause always made his bandmates’ hearts beat a little faster. It didn’t quite have the same effect on his 808, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

It was hard for him to keep track of all the pulses in his head when they played shows. He usually had to block them all out somewhat just to keep himself from getting dizzy. Normally, he tried to block out everyone, but a few people always slipped through. 

He set up for the next song, only half listening to Sung and Meouch’s banter. They never got tired of it, and the fans never got tired of it—even the ones that had seen them over and over again. As long as they were happy, Havve was happy. 

When the song started, Havve went back into his zone, and the room faded away. His own 808 synced up with his playing, matching the beats per minute of the song, as he lost sight of where he ended and his drums began. 

At some point, a familiar twin pulse entered his mind, flickering in his periphery. He cut a glance to Sung, smiling at his exuberant friend.

Huh.

Sung’s hearts were lined up with Havve’s.

That was weird.

Curious, he let Meouch’s pulse into his mind. Then Phobos’s. And for the first time in his life, his 808 stuttered. A single missed beat startled him, but he kept his wits and continued playing. His 808 didn’t try to make up for the lost beat, instead just continuing as if nothing happened.

His 808, the song, and his bandmates’ heartbeats were all in perfect sync. Steady.

Havve smiled behind his mask. He felt human, and for once, that wasn’t a bad thing. He played his heart out, not holding back at all.

When the set was over, he pulled everyone into a group hug backstage. He didn’t answer any questions, but assured them he was fine so they wouldn’t worry. He just wanted to enjoy the moment for what it was.

**Author's Note:**

> I left the song in the final section ambiguous on purpose, so you can imagine whatever song you'd like there! I imagine All Night Forever, since that's the song I was listening to that inspired this whole thing. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Have a lovely day!


End file.
